It was a sunshiny Mother's Day, full of the promise of spring. Birds were chirping and ladies of all ages dotted the restaurant wearing brightly colored dresses uncovering legs seeing their first sunlight of the year. Mother's Day is the busiest day of the year for many restaurants.

Two lovebirds sat playfully at the bar, pushing and pulling on each other, making every excuse for physical contact. There is no happiness like early love.

"Are you OK?" he said, gently kissing her ear.

"I'm a little nervous," she whispered, gently kissing his cheek.

"She'll love you, because I love you," he said, reassuringly.

"I hope so."

"We'll have two Ramos fizzes. For courage," he said, looking at his beloved.

I whipped up two of the perennial breakfast cocktails using our fresh-made bulk mix. When you are going to make 200 of a certain drink, it's the only way to go; every drink will taste the same.

"There she is," he said just as I set the drinks down.

They picked up the drinks and downed them in one gulp, he because he knew what was coming and she because she didn't.

Future mom-in-law blew in the front door, a tizzy of activity. Things dropped out of her bag and she shouted out orders to the hostess, the valet, the front-door manager and her husband.

"Sorry we are late but the car wouldn't start even though I've told him 100 times to get it fixed, but he doesn't listen, he's too busy working on his yard or whatever it is that he does because Lord knows I

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don't know even know though I've asked him 100 times. Can I get a drink first? I'm thirsty and we didn't have time to stop because the car wouldn't start, but I think I said that already, you must be Helen, I've heard so much about you, but not that much because he doesn't call or when he does he's too busy É"

Helen stared and then did the only prudent thing possible under the circumstances. "Can we get her a fizz?" she said to me.

"That would be nice," said the potential mother-in-law. "But make it fresh; I don't like mixes, and make sure to separate the egg and use cream not half-and-half, and I hope you have flower water because I don't like orange juice, and fresh-squeeze the lemon juice and make sure the glass is chilled. And foamy, I like it foamy."

I reached for the gin bottle.

"No, not that one, I don't like that one. You can use Boodles or Bombay or Beefeaters or Plymouth or Bafferts but not that one.

"But," she added, "I don't want to be any trouble."

Meanwhile, Helen's beau and her potential father-in-law just watched helplessly. Helen, however, observed each correction with an increasingly perplexed look on her face. Food was ordered and her potential mother-in-law rearranged the plates at least twice, handed me empty glasses and generally interfered in every action. Helen did her best to help. At one point both women held the same plate of food by either edge, and a slight tug of war ensued.

"Over here, dear."

"But there's no room," Helen said.

"Yes there is."

"Mom, just let her set it down," Helen's beau said.

"I'm just trying to help."

Helen looked at her, then turned that long calculating look at her beau and then at his helpless father.

I never did see Helen in the company of her beau or his mother again. It seemed that one Mother's Day with her potential new mom-in-law was all it took to know that she would hit her head on the bottom of that gene pool if she dived in - which leaves me two thoughts about Mother's Day:

- Sometimes when we stare into the abyss, we blink, especially if that abyss will last the rest of our lives.

- "Helping" often looks a lot like controlling.

Jeff Burkhart is an award-winning bartender at a Marin bar/restaurant and an author. His columns appear weekly in Here. Contact him at jeffb@thebarflyonline.com.

High-maintenance mother-in-law Ramos fizz

1 1/2 ounces gin (any kind, she doesn't want to be any trouble)

1/2 ounce simple syrup (2 to 1 sugar to water)

1 ounce heavy cream

1 raw egg white (see note)

1 lemon wedge

Splash orange flower water

Orange wheel

Fresh ground nutmeg

Combine first four ingredients into a mixing glass with ice. Squeeze lemon's juice into mixture and discard. Shake vigorously until foamy. Rinse chilled cocktail glass with orange flower water, discarding excess. Strain cocktail mixture into the coated glass and garnish with orange wheel and fresh nutmeg.

Sip while wilting under the watchful glare of your future mother-in-law. Or, down in one gulp and run for the door.

Note: Pasteurized egg whites are an alternative for anyone concerned with intestinal health. Eggs may be omitted, however, doing so will remove the signature fizz.