It had all the symptoms of a first date. For her it was big hair, a slinky dress and new jewelry. For him it was gelled hair, an uncomfortable sport coat and a whiff of cologne. As soon as they sat, she excused herself to go to the restroom.

“Order me a drink,” she whispered as she leaned in close enough for her billowy coiffure to touch his gelled one. Perhaps she had a hair out of place, or needed a dab of powder or even because she needed to use the restroom. Who knew? But it was now her date, me and their drink order.

“Two margaritas,” he said as soon as she was out of earshot.

“Make one a double,” he said with a wink. “I'm trying to get lucky.”

One of the most uncomfortable situations in bartending is where one person is trying to get one over on another. Especially when it comes to dating. And especially when it comes to the male half of that equation.

To be clear gentlemen, I am not there to help you get laid. I am not there to help you hook up. My job is to make sure everyone, including the object of your goal, has a good time.

And especially her, because you see there is no trick to get men to come into a bar. I know plenty of guys who hang around their friend's garage because there is beer and a pool table there. Men will go to bars because they are convenient, because they are comfortable or simply because they are open.

Women however, are altogether different. You need

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to make women comfortable for them to hang around. They don't want to be accosted by belligerent drunks or pushed around or gawked at. A good bartender knows this and takes the time to answer questions, give a million tastes of wine, split checks, offer half-glasses and make sure that ladies get seats first.

Recently I was waiting at a local bar for a wine representative. I watched as the bartender hit on just about every woman who sat down. How do I know this? Because his girlfriend was camped out in front of him and I could watch the reaction on her face each time he did it. This is not what I am talking about. As a result there were only two women at his bar — his unhappy girlfriend and the woman he was hitting on.

Surveying the situation at my own bar, I was pleased to note that more than half the regulars were of the fairer sex. I also noted that they didn't scurry away at the first opportunity. The best thing about having a bar proliferated with women is that soon enough you will also have the men.

I looked at my gelled bachelor and thought of all the things I knew about liquor, dating and bartending. I didn't tell him about the Damiana liqueur, which sat on the back shelf in its primitive Venus-shaped bottle. I also didn't tell him about the Damiana herb's reputed aphrodisiac properties, first recorded by the Spanish missionary Jesus Maria de Slavatierra in 1699. I didn't tell him about the fact that the native Central American shrub, which has an odor and taste sort of like a spicier chamomile, has been used by native peoples for its reported ability to enhance lovemaking for centuries. And I certainly didn't add the tale of my own experience, with a Damiana-infused absinthe, that warmed up a certain area. The less I said about Damiana and the legend that it was used in the first margarita, not triple sec, the better. I also omitted the fact that it is still popular in margaritas in the Cabo San Lucas area of Baja Mexico today.

Instead I simply made his margaritas. Some time after finishing their drinks he needed to use the restroom. Re-gel? Re-cologne? Who knew, but soon as he left his puffy-haired date leaned across the bar.

“We'll have two more margaritas,” she said. “And make one a double — I'm trying to get lucky.”

I looked at her and then I looked at the Damiana bottle.

“Do you want to try something different?” I asked.

Suffice it to say that the evening ended on an up note.

One cab, one destination and two left-behind cars were the only proof necessary of a mutual job well done.

 

RECIPE

Jeff's “get it done” Horni margarita

1 1/2 ounces Hornitos silver tequila

3/4 ounce Damiana liqueur

3/4 ounce fresh squeezed lime juice

1/4 ounce Grand Marnier

1 lime wedge

Combine first three ingredients in a shaker with ice. Shake to combine. Pour entire mixture into a double rocks glass and top with Grand Marnier. Garnish with lime and be prepared to beat them off with a stick. Or simply lose the stick.

 

Jeff Burkhart is an award-winning bartender at a Marin bar/restaurant and an author. His columns appear weekly in Here. Add your comments to the end of this story. Contact him at jeffb@thebarflyonline.com.