Q: How can you tell if someone drinks too much? I've been dating this guy for six months and we get along fine, except that he has four or five drinks every night. He's good about not driving; I stay sober and drive when we're out. He doesn't get mean or slur his words, so I guess he's not drunk. When I suggested he not drink a few nights a week, he says I shouldn't worry, that he just needs to relax when he gets home from work. But I do worry about the long-term effects of his drinking and am not sure I want to take this relationship to a more serious level because of that. What do you think?

Steve: Alcoholics don't always end up in the gutter. Some can maintain a pretty normal lifestyle despite their addiction. The only thing they have in common with gutter drunks is their need to drink every day. Your boyfriend is a functional alcoholic. The bad news is that his health will eventually be destroyed by it. Urge him to go to an AA meeting and if he won't, you should attend an Al-Anon meeting. Al-Anon is a support group for family, friends and spouses of alcoholics. But your caution is warranted. Life with an alcoholic is a tough road, whether he's functional or not.

Mia: You are seeing some pretty big red flags. The purpose of dating is to find the best romantic partner possible. Could that ever be someone for whom drinking is such a big part of his life? Since you're already uncomfortable with your guy's drinking,

you should consider moving on. There are plenty of fish in the sea who don't drink so much.

Q: I'm a high school senior and feel pretty lonely right now. Most of the kids I know are into sex and drugs, and because I'm not, I've been excluded from a lot of fun events. The kids who want to be friendly with me are dull and uninteresting. Do I lower my standards just to roll with the kids I like? Or should I suffer until I get to college in the fall?

Mia: Try out for your school's spring musical or volunteer to write an article for your school newspaper. You may make new friends that way. And if you don't, so what? You're about to go off to school where you'll be surrounded by a whole new crowd. But remember, never lower your standards just to fit in. That's just asking for trouble.

Steve: Suffer until you get to college. For one thing, college will open up whole new worlds of interests and people for you. For another, you'll feel proud about the restraint and self-discipline you showed by sticking to your principles.

Steve (not his real name) is 50-something and has been married to his second wife for 20 years. Mia (not her real name) is a 20-something single immersed in the dating scene. E-mail questions to S&M@phillynews.com.